Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Thoughts, Revelations, Maternity

Tonight, after watching countless episodes of Say Yes To The Dress, I watched The Business of Being Born
"Director Abby Epstein's controversial documentary takes a hard look at America's maternity care system, juxtaposing hospital deliveries against the growing popularity of at-home, natural childbirths that some expectant parents are opting for."

I struggle to know when God is speaking to me and when I make myself believe God is speaking to me. However, either way, watching this awakened something deep inside me.  There was once a time I toyed with the idea of going the OB nursing route and possibly going into midwifery afterward. Now, more than ever, I'm considering that a major possibility. There are problems, though. 1) Now is not the time. There is no feasible way to get by if I were to start school while Phill is interning. 2) There is no midwifery school in Arizona. There are 5 long-distance programs in the U.S., though. 3) I have no OB nursing background 

Damn. I'm psyching myself out of it already.

I just really, really believe in natural childbirth and I deeply love pregnant women (even if a picture of a bare preggo belly does kinda gross me out). I want each and every pregnant woman to feel special, beautiful, and loved. There is a grace and beauty about pregnant women that I sense and see, but many of these women probably DO NOT feel this way when carrying an ever-growing human inside their abdomen. Many nurses go the OB route because babies are cute. True, but I really love caring for the mother. No matter the situation, there is so much more the new mother needs and craves that goes way beyond physiological care. I want to be there to offer physical, emotional, psychological, & spiritual care.

I am just so, so very afraid to make the leap. What if all this just sounds nice and perfect, but in actuality proves to be too much or simply not as expected? What then? Obviously, a large amount of deep thought and prayer are in my immediate future. All this uncertainty is really grating the nerves on the Type A portion of Alyssa (yes, I believe I am a mixture of the 2 rather than exclusively subscribing to either one).

**Disclaimer: I strongly encourage everyone, especially women, to watch this film. You can watch it instantly on Netflix. That being said, there is plenty of footage of naked pregnant women and live births, including alien-esque newborns coming straight from the womb and the bodily fluids involved in the process. But really, it's not terribly graphic. I just wanted to forewarn you in case of a squeamish stomach.

**Also-The worst paid for pregnancy photo ever:
You're welcome.


  1. I just have to say that I am loving this post! You and Phill really took a leap of faith when moving to Arizona and I believe God will be there for you both if you decide to take yet another leap. God has probably been preparing your mind and heart for the experience of midwifery through your position as a med/surg nurse. Are there any programs that will let you continue to work while going to school? (I'm sure you've thought of that already, though.) I love you so much and I know you will follow what God's plan is for your life- I pray He makes it very clear to you what He wants for you.

    BTW- That red outfit is super cute! I wish I could pull off that kind of look!

    Love, Leslie

  2. I got excited for you reading this post. I also love the idea of natural childbirth but it scares me at the same time. I think you would make a great midwife! Do it.