Thursday, January 26, 2012

Food

I have an issue with food.


I love food. I hate food.
Those of you who know me well know that this is not a recent thing. Food and body image have been an on-going struggle for me. I am constantly trying to live a normal life where food is necessary for life and the rest of my time is spent just, well, living. This, however, is more of a task than you might think. I'm thinking about food all the time. Planning what I should eat, thinking of what I really want to eat, bargaining that I can eat that if I only have this now. I love eating healthily, but my food obsession makes it hard for me to deny myself the frequent "bad" food cravings. My cravings are so intense sometimes! They're so hard to ignore! Therefore, I give into them. A lot. I eat a lot of really healthy food, but I also eat a lot of seriously not healthy food. The bad food cravings are actually worse when I'm at work. I attribute this to the chocolates and baked goods patients bring in, the potlucks, and the donuts frequently brought in for morning pick me ups. FYI coworkers, I'm sorry for my unsuccessful attempts to abstain from ALL THE DONUTS.

Aside from what I'm eating, it's also important to note the amount I am eating. I am able to recognize the feeling that others refer to as "full" but it does not inhibit me from consuming more food. I legitimately have an obsession with food. It's only when I've gorged myself to nearly vomiting that I realize I cannot eat any more. This is also the time, of course, when the regret and unhappiness begins. This is an ongoing, ever evolving eating disorder.

Since moving to Arizona, it seems I've become more keenly aware of my body. Starting around the holidays of 2010 I lost some weight and then spent 2011 maintaining that weight/wishing for a bit more weight loss. Success makes you crave more success, right? Anyway, the truth is I didn't lose that weight in a healthy manner. I've recently put on more weight from trying to eat like a normal person, yet still failing in the ways mentioned above. It makes me sad to see some of the weight put back on and feel my clothing fit a little tighter. However, it's in times like this where I can really see the work of God in my life. Yes, I am disappointed that I can't seem to just be normal. Normal people don't think about food all the time. Normal people don't have to wager how much food is a normal amount because they just stop eating when they become full.   

BUT!

It's because of this recent weight gain and my subsequent reaction that has me nearly pleased. I'm a twinge upset, yes. I want to shed those extra pounds, yes. The kicker is this, though: It's not supremely ruining my life. I'm doing just fine. I want to lose the weight by working out like a super freak because I enjoy that darn elliptical! I FINALLY realize why people always said they enjoyed working out! You guys. IT REALLY DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD! I also want to continue to discover and consume healthy, clean foods. I have made a conscious decision to severely restrict the amount of junk I consume. You guys would be seriously shocked if you saw how much I ate on a bad food day. My biggest culprits are of the sweet-tooth variety: candies, cookies, ice creams/yogurts, cakes...I really enjoy sugar.

I'm not entirely sure what brought me to write this post. As written above, this topic is ever on my mind, and I think today I felt the need to put it out there, be real, and benefit from the cyber accountability. My life is going somewhere. God has a plan for me! I may not know every direction this life is going to take, but I want to be present and enjoy the ride rather than being concerned about dinner.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today was not a happy time. I started my work shift running around like a crazy woman trying to control pain, silence IV pumps, call doctors, take patients to the bathroom, empty catheters, empty drains, get consents signed, hang blood, pass meds, perform all my assessments, and YADAYADAYADA!!! All this and then at about 9:00a.m. my darling husband calls with some thrilling news: my bike was stolen. My beautiful, light blue darling was stripped right from the patio, lock and all.

Great.

I realize a bicycle is just a bicycle, but this was my precious birthday present from Mom and Dad Oprie that I was only able to enjoy for a year! Gosh, guys. It was a beaut.

Goodbye, Love

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Instagram Holiday {Finally}

Are you ready for it? Are you ready?! Instagram unleashed!
Waiting to leave! Excited!

Margot gets antsy in airports

Home sweet home

These girls are the absolute best

I am so blessed with the BEST FRIENDS in the whole wide world
Oscar

My well-behaved little miss in the backseat

Cole and Nina playing

Grandma and Grandpa Kimball's house

Cole watching his video message sent from SANTA! ;-)

Uncle Phillip and Cole playing

Pooped pup

Bow :-D

Festive Margot

Making herself right at home

Oprie feast!

You know it's an Oprie gathering when...

Christmas eve attire

The church for Jake's wedding. So pretty!

So sweet.

At the wedding. We're just old married folks now! 3+ years woohoo!

Boys...and Corey's stache.

Boys at breakfast!


My maid of honor, my BFF
Now, for your viewing pleasure, my dear friends and their talents:
video

Next up, a special little number from the Ross wedding reception:

Lastly, my melodic mother:
video
{PS-I started uploading these videos yesterday at 6PM, kept at it late into the night, and resumed uploading again tonight after work so you better watch them}

Monday, January 16, 2012

I'm Alive



This little blog space of the Internet has been quite silent as of late, huh? I think of it often and realize I should update, but then decide I have nothing substantial to say! At some point {tomorrow?!} I plan to unleash the fury of Instagram photos taken over our holiday vacation {procrastination queen right here!}, but that's really about all I have.

Phillip is working. I am working. On my days off I sleep in late, exercise,  and watch Parenthood. Phillip started an ultimate frisbee conditioning program last week that seems pretty tough!

We're watching Brian and Sarah's dog, Henry, again this week while they're in Nashville visiting family. Margot + Henry = crazy dog town.

Anyway, I'll do my best to do more interesting things in my life and let you know about 'em ;-)

In the mean time, watch this video and cry due to its heart-wrenchingness.